With lots of puzzling things going on around here these days, it seems proper that they should be addressed.

So:

In these paragraphs, you will find some answers to some puzzles, and some puzzles without answers, and some answers that are rather puzzling.

Say what?

Puzzle #1: How in the heck do you plan a public place that doesn't have hot water in the bathrooms?

Well, they did, but

Answer #1: There WILL BE hot water in ALL the bathrooms at the new stadium!

Talk about a sigh of relief!

And nevermind that the Edifice of Erie is in the $280-million range for construction--the cost overrun now is estimated at $33-million--THERE WILL BE HOT WATER! The mayor says so!

(Now, the puzzle might be, can one afford a ticket to get into the place when it is built, so that one might be able to wash one's hands in hot water...even in the "low rent" district of the Erie Edifice? Nope; no answer yet to that one.)

For those who just might be visiting this web site, or for former Clevelanders who have left town, or for Browns Fans past/present/and/future, a quick look backward: to save money, it was decided that hot water was not really necessary in many bathrooms (those bathrooms not used by the folks who buy the luxury seats). Well, the Plain Dealer editorial honcho wrote a column about that. A waterspout of displeasure washed over that particular piece of Erie Edifice engineering expertise, and the city decided that hot-water-for-the-masses is worth the extra $500,000 (that's the figure that City Hall puts on the pipe-warming addition), so ALL WC's will have HW, not just those in the high-rent district.

Other stuff about the stadium and what will go into it:

The NFL is now looking at the list of wannabe-owners of the New Browns and megabuck figures on what it will take to get the team are astronomical.

--A SCENARIO--
NFL Owners:  "Hi, potential Browns owner!  
How much money ya' got?"
Potential Browns Owner:  "Quadrajillions!"
NFL Owners:  "Good!  Put it on the table.  
Don't call us; we'll call you."

Word is that Cleveland is getting a pretty good deal from the NFL on the procedure for getting players for the new team.

Item:  Fifty-one years ago (July 20, 1947), 
the National Football League ruled that no
professional team could sign a player who
had college eligibility remaining.

Nevermind that.

Other things, puzzling and otherwise:

Puzzle #2:  "Road rage"--just how real is it?
Answer #2:  Well, you decide.

Consider this recent article:

"Since June 18, there had been nine 
incidents in Los Angeles involving vehicles
and guns. Two motorists were shot to death
and four others were injured.

"Police psychologists blamed 'self-centered
attitudes, violence in films, and even the
breakdown of the family."

"Authorities recommended that drivers
'avoid confrontation' with other drivers."

Sound familiar?

Sure it does...a classic description of "road rage" carried to its most deadly outcome.

The current local AAA publication, "Ohio Motorist," repeats information from a recently-released Automobile Club study that claims that one of every four motorists is an "aggressive driver."

AAA identifies an aggressive driver as one who has no regard for the safety of other motorists.

"Road rage" is described as aggressive driving that has gone over the edge, involving deliberate attempts to hurt other people because of something that happened involving use of a motor vehicle.

But, back to that opening item about vehicles and guns in L.A.: that writing referred to incidents 11 years ago, in 1987, and made no reference to the now-common "road rage."

An article in this month's (August, 1998) The Atlantic Monthly indicates that "road rage" didn't even show up as a term until 1988.

Author Michael Fumento, in The Atlantic article, does not deny that aggressive driving can lead to accidents, but he questions the accuracy of some of the AAA study's results, because, he says, the agency's methodology is flawed.

Fumento does research and writes books (as well as magazine articles) on things relating to health and science.

"Road rage" may be "powerful alliteration," Fumento says, but he says there is no statistical or other scientific evidence to show an increase in aggressive driving.

Hmmmmmm.

Somehow, a feeling persists that reaction to Fumento's writing will be a disbelieving, "Oh, yeah!!!!!" (Perhaps, accompanied by an obscene hand gesture.)

Regardless of reaction to Fumento or the AAA study, the Auto Club folks do have a free booklet with possibly helpful driving information. It's called, "Road Rage: How to Avoid Aggressive Driving." You can get it by mail by sending a stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Ohio Motorists Assocaition, Box 6150, Cleveland, OH 44101, or you can download it from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety website at http://www.aaafts.org

Puzzle #3:  Is Jon Burrows playing games?
Answer #3:  No way we're gonna' go there!

For well over a month now, the following e-mail has been lying there in the "in" file of the mailbox:

>From sync  Mon Jun 22 17:29:49 1998
From: OrionTCB@aol.com
Date: Mon, 22 Jun 1998 17:33:07 EDT
To: jherring@mail.multiverse.com
Subject: IT'S ALMOST TIME!
		
Hello friend,
I spell it jon burrows,  
may god bless you!<

Just a bit of explanation here for those who don't know (or, I guess, don't care, and forgive, please, for wasting the time of those who don't care): Jon Burrows is a name that Elvis Presley sometimes used when he didn't want to use Elvis Presley.

Now, it is not unusual for messages concerning Elvis Presley to find their way into the aforementioned "in" box.

A lot of those mailings have to do with whether The King is really dead. It will come as no surprise to most people that many people believe Elvis still is alive out there somewhere, just biding his time for a "return."

But, Wow! This e-mail is a puzzler!

I'm not sure about the "Orion" part of the screen name, although there was a book sometime ago about a celebrity thought to be dead, who was not dead, and that book was titled, "Orion." Some say that there are parallels with Elvis...but, that's out of my league.

The TCB, of course, is no problem: "Taking Care of Business" was/is a Presley slogan.

The subject line, "IT'S ALMOST TIME;"...now, that is a puzzle!

"It's almost time" for what?

A few things come to mind:

August, of course, is the anniversary month (it was Aug. 16, 1977) of Elvis' death (or reported death, if you prefer). Perhaps, "It's almost time," is just a reminder from someone (Jon Burrows, or otherwise) that that's coming up?

Or, as someone has suggested for those who might want to delve into things mysterious: this person claims that federal agents are under what is called the 21-year-cap...that they are forbidden from saying anything--well, practically anything-- pertaining to their "official" lives for 21 years. Now, Elvis, they say, has/had some federal credentials of a sort, and 21 years----well, if he "died" in 1977...well, 1977 plus 21 years is----WHOA!

Let's not go there...at least not yet.

There's the planned induction of Elvis into the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville; but that isn't scheduled until late September.

(When it happens, Presley and Johnny Cash will be the only two performers to be in both the Country Music and the Rock and Roll halls of fame.)

Aha! The Rock Hall! Perhaps, "it's almost time" was a prep line for the Aug. 8 opening of the Elvis Exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, complete with a "drop-in" of a bunch of white-caped-and-jumpsuited "Elvises" (or "Elvi," if you prefer) who make up the Las Vegas parachute team.

Of course, Aug. 8 also is the beginning of the annual Elvis Week at Graceland, in Memphis and other locations down in Tennessee. Certainly, "It's almost time" for that.

On the subject of the Rock Hall; it surely could use some good strokes!

In case some of you haven't heard, it is being rocked with more problems and bad press: the resignation of its third director in the past three years amid continuing--and now renewed--reports of big conflict between the directors in New York and here in Cleveland on how the place should be run.

There also have been some mixed reviews on the Hall's last two major presentations.

The Presley presence certainly may help with whatever image problem the hall has, even if it doesn't alleviate any tug-of-war problem between NY and Cleveland directors.

(Footnote: The Rock Hall isn't the only place with changes at the top that perhaps were result of different ideas by different "directors" on how things should be done: Richard Nichols says he will leave Inventure Place in Akron.

(Nichols accomplished quite a bit, according to reports, including shrinking the $2-million-plus debt to below $1 1/2-million. But some (including the mayor) aren't satisfied with the pace of the accomplishments, so Nichols says they should find someone else to do the job and he will leave as soon as that "someone else" is found.)

Back to The King thing: the Presley presence certainly helped--at least for a time, it helped--Cleveland San Jose Ballet. Elvis' music was foundation for the highly successful "Blue Suede Shoes" production in 1996. (Good grief! Has it been that long ago?)

At the conclusion of that season, a spokesman said that the rock-and-roll ballet was so successful that it provided "...a realization of the opportunity to pay homage to such staples as Swan Lake and The Nutcracker, a chance to celebrate our history, and an ability to now point toward the future."

But, this is "the future" and it isn't too terrific: the Ballet is having its financial problems these days and could use a big, new shot of something like the original Presley presence today! A return run of B.S.S. earlier this year helped, but the take from the 15 performances fell about $50,000 short of the $430,000 goal.

But one would be hard-pressed to believe that "it's almost time" has anything to do with all that.

(Oh, as a footnote: congratulations to WVIZ for the national Emmy nominations for Channel 25's television production of "Blue Suede Shoes--Ballet Rocks." What a show that is!)

Then, maybe, "It's almost time" for a "peanut butter and 'nanner sandwich!" Smash that ripe banana, put it on pieces of white bread and smear on the peanut butter (the 'nanner on one slice of bread, the pb on the other); fry the sandwich in melted butter on each side and you've got an Elvis favorite (according to "Are You Hungry Tonight," a collection of recipes near and dear to the heart--and to the stomach and taste-buds--of The King).

As tempting as such an idea is (I love peanut butter and bananas), one has to believe that Jon Burrows had something more than that in mind for, "It's almost time."

But, I prefer not to follow this any further.

Except to say, "Jon Burrows, if you are playing games, shame on you!"

But, doggone it! That 21-year-cap thing....oh, well.....never mind.

A couple of notes:

I was told there is a movie in the works, called, "The Road to Graceland." I was told that the folks who believe Elvis is alive hope that movie will provide new information about all that. Hmmmm.

Well, there is an item on the Web about such a movie. It says that Harvey Keitel plays the role of a guy who believes he is Elvis and the movie is about his travel to Graceland with two other characters (Bridget Fonda and Jonathan Schaech, according to the Web item). No release date is listed, but the item says that David Winkler (Henry's son) is the director and screenwriter. Priscilla Presley is listed as executive producer.

Oh, yeah: I have heard that another movie is supposed to come out on television, possibly this fall. It's about Sam Sheppard.

Swell! Another Sam Sheppard movie.

Folks, this one ain't "The Fugitive."

This one, I understand, names names....real names. One can't be sure how that will play in other parts of the country, but around these parts it is likely to upset more than a few folks!

[By now, I understand that all the shooting of the scenes should be finished, or about so, so one isn't sure whether the recent real-life death (hmmm, can there be a "real-life death?") of a prominent figure in that case, Richard Eberling, will be included in the finished product.]

The film takes considerable "poetic license" (is that the correct term) with some of the facts and happenings in the seemingly-never-ending Sam Sheppard saga, but it is about Sam Reese Sheppard's efforts to clear his father's name.

And with that, these final words:

Congratulations to Larry Doby and to the Baseball Hall of Fame for finally realizing that Doby should be in the hall...Happy Birthday (July 20) to the American Federation of Radio Artists (organized in 1937); it is now the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists...

Good Luck to AFTRA and to the National Association of Broadcast Engineers and Technicians (NABET) and to WKYC-TV3 in efforts to settle contract talks and to settle what appears to be a bitter bargaining battle between management (local and out-of-town) and the station's 140 employees covered by contracts...

Condolences and crossed fingers to and for Ray Shepardson and his efforts to rejuvenate the Hanna Theatre Cabaret; despite good reviews and an estimated attendance of 125,000 for shows at the 500-seat cabaret, Shepardson says the losses are too big for the cabaret that he opened about 11 months ago, and he has to close (Aug. 2) for the remainder of the summer...and he says it's too early to talk about re-opening in the fall...

and a memo to mark the memory should you pass the East 105th and Euclid Avenue intersection: tip your hat and flash your lights (well...maybe not; someone might mistake it as "road rage") to the first intersection in the country to be equipped with an electric traffic light (the ceremony was Aug. 5, 1914).

OTHER STORIES by John Herrington

RETURN TO Cleveland, The New American City